The 7 Types of Men You'll Meet on Bumble...
...and on most other dating apps too!
I’ve often been accused of distilling complex things into pithy commentary and of creating broad generalizations about people and things.
In this article, I’ll be guilty of both.
If you disagree with anything I say (or you want to guest author the male equivalent about women), feel free to get in touch. Just don’t troll me or say mean things. :)
I’ve been doing “the online dating thing” for over a decade on and off. Although the apps have changed and new ones have launched, I’ve discovered that men over 50 seem to fall into some general categories. (See above.)
That doesn’t mean they all don’t have some aspects of the other types. Or that these descriptors define them.
Quite the contrary.
We may all behave in certain ways based on time and needs. But here goes:
The lost (and often sad) boys. They have been divorced or widowed and are kind of clueless about what to do next and/or how to do it. Their wives were their social glue and connection to the outside world. These men sometimes talk about “the old days” (even when they weren’t necessarily happy). They can be “projects” for those women who like to be cheerleaders or fixers. Not my jam, however.
The angry birds. They harbor resentment towards (and often dwell on) their exes, parents, former bosses, and pretty much anyone they believe is responsible for their current state. They also may “snap” at the new women in their lives. Proceed with caution.
The pervy dudes. They come across as gentlemanly, and their profiles say they are looking for long-term relationships, but the texting quickly turns to sexting. They give me ick. But some women may like the banter, and I’ve been told that many women are just looking to scratch an itch, so they make a perfect pair. The same holds true for #4.
The non-committal man whores (or, if you prefer, F-boys or F-Geezers). I’m not judging at all here! I get it. Many of us have gone through this stage. These dudes like to sample multiple dishes on the buffet table. They make a good case for their lifestyles. Some are hippie-ish (“I love all women”) guys. Others practice (and sometimes perfect) an ENM (ethically non-monogamous) lifestyle. Some are honest about their desires and the multiple women in their lives and beds. Others live by a “don’t ask, don’t tell” credo. But I never like to be sloppy seconds (or thirds, fourths, or fifths), especially with the rise of STIs, so I am trying to avoid this population. I don’t necessarily need to be someone’s “everything” or even an exclusive lover. But a little monogamy can be a good thing.
The fixtures. These people never change their profile pix and seem to be on the apps for a decade or more. In fact, I was shocked to return to NYC and recognize men still on the sites with the same photo and prose. We have one of them in AZ too. He takes women out for coffee and then asks them to come to his hot tub for a soak and wine. Rumor is he’s also #4, but I wouldn’t know. I stopped at the coffee.
The “swipe and settle” guys. They are so eager to have a woman in their lives that they try to wrap things up in record time. Listen to the 90-Day Dating Rule podcast to understand why that speedy approach may not be the best strategy. “Love at first sight” often has repercussions. I understand all too well that the apps are frustrating, and I often pause my profile to avoid the whole thing. But the solution is not sitting down on the first chair when the music stops for a bit.
Mr. Wonderful. I haven’t met this guy yet. I’ve come close. I’m very clear on what qualities I’m looking for and patient enough to know that true love (or at least true compatibility) takes time. And what may be the right time for one person may be the wrong time for another. I’ve been accused of being picky but would rather view it as selective. Having been divorced and through break-ups, I’m kinda tired of the pain. I realize great relationships take work, and I’m finally willing to do that work. But only with the right person.
As I said earlier, we may exhibit some of these behaviors at various times. And one woman’s Mr. Wonderful may be another’s ick. Relationships are complex and personal.
OK. Generalizations over! Now back to swiping, hoping, and praying.
