Damn You, Andy Gibb!
No one can be your everything in the 50+ dating world. So where do you start?
On Valentine’s Day 2022 I began this series about Dating >50.
The feedback has been super-positive and gave rise to lots of convos with men and women about the state of relationships and dating today.
I’ve realized that some of my guidance is appropriate for ALL ages, but my generation seems especially flummoxed by the whole “second phase” dating thang.
And I think that the BeeGees are, in part, responsible.
Not literally, of course.
But as a teen, I grew up playing Barbie Queen of the Prom and listening to songs (like the one above) that promised that once I met the person of my dreams, life would be complete.
And that was true for a while. I had a great family, a wonderful career, and fun experiences.
But once the kids are grown and flown, the career changes, and we all reach the next phase of our lives, the thought of meeting someone who meets ALL our needs ALL the time is somewhat delusional.
Men’s dating profiles often read as if they are recruiting a woman who is a porn star, an Olympic athlete, Susie Homemaker, and a therapist all rolled into one.
I’ve been told by men that women are seeking lumberjacks who cry at Disney Princess movies, have near-perfect intuition, possess the sexual stamina of a teenager, and have full heads of hair and bottomless bank accounts.
So, what does that all mean?
The odds are pretty good that no one can really be your EVERYTHING (contrary to what the Gibbs boys crooned).
So you, as a single person, must narrow down what’s really important to you.
Get clear on what you really need from a romantic partner versus what you want.
Think about which desires may be better fulfilled via friends, family, and others. If you don’t have friends, make them. If you need professional help, don’t be ashamed to get it.
I created a list of non-negotiables. I named it my “Man Musts” and, although it’s comprised of 16 attributes, none of them is particularly daunting (at least according to my male friends).
It consists of personal qualities, social behaviors, cultural tastes, and other factors that are important to me. It has evolved over time. (To get the template, please subscribe to the series!)
Despite what the Gibbs boys may have said, be realistic about what a romantic partner can really add to your life. Don’t expect any one person to fulfill all the needs or pour love and acceptance into the holes in your soul.
Do the work on yourself first.
And then (and only then) can you let someone come in to make everything even better.
Reading the free version of The Silver Hair Playbook? I don’t judge.
But with a paid subscription, you’ll get my helpful worksheets, access to my new workshops, and a one-on-one 60-minute consulting session with me!
Such a deal!