Why I Want a Boyfriend
(And why do you want a girlfriend?)
I recently took on a consulting engagement, helping someone find a match.
One of the first questions I asked was, “Why do you want someone of the opposite sex in your life?”
It’s a simple question, but not really.
Marriage rates are steadily falling and we apparently now have a “holiday” called Singles Awareness Day. And, not to be a downer, but here are divorce rates, just to flesh-out the statistical part of this post.
Relationships are complex, indeed!
But now let’s get back to my personal observations and random spew.
I had a near-miss earlier this year with a relationship and was reminded of how much I want:
Holding hands and kissing (and intimacy in general). I crave PDAs, provided they aren’t too sloppy and embarrassing to others.
Enjoying shared experiences, like meals and other fun activities. Of course, I do that stuff with girlfriends too, but having a guy to glam-up for is kind of exciting — especially if they pay attention and know that “words of affirmation” is one of my love languages.
Having spontaneous fun adventures (which not all dudes are up for, which is one of the reasons I’m still single).
Riffing on creative business ideas and discussing pop culture and current affairs. (This is a VERY tough one at my age, and I’m finding most of my contemporaries missed a few memos and can’t keep up with my energy and interests — not to mention my familiarity with technology.)
Above all, honesty and directness. Why do men who claim to be “real men” or women who say they want candor play games and pussy-foot around the truth?
But my list may be radically different from your list. One person told me they were looking for someone to run errands with on the weekends. Some people are looking for Netflix buddies. Others need a source of financial stability.
Many people (especially men, I think) are only looking for women in their immediate vicinity and have very specific age/height/hair requirements as if they are ordering Door Dash rather than engaging with a flesh and blood human being with multiple dimensions. I’m not judging. But if “convenience” is your primary attribute, you limit yourself once you’re >50.
I recently told someone I’d rather die solo than be with someone who doesn’t enhance my life and bring me joy. After all, I have as many as 33 years left to go! Who wants the equivalent of a lifetime filled with boredom, frustration, nagging, or misery?
Of course, we all have to compromise on some things. After all, that’s what relationships are all about.
So, whether you’re doing the online thing or hoping to meet someone IRL, knowing what you’ll do with that person once you find them is critically important.
When you have a few minutes, make YOUR list. Keep it short (fewer than five bullets) and dig deep into what you’d actually do with that “person of your dreams” once you’re fortunate enough to find them.
If their idea of a fun time is a day at Costco and yours is a weekend trip to a tropical climate, think again!
And wish me luck in my continued search!