Miss Nancy's 10 Dating Manners Tips

How to Present Yourself Live or Online: Part 4

ALWAYS be kind.

Those three words can be considered bonus tip #11.

But they are the most important ones.

Before I publish these posts I share them with (guy) friends to make sure I don't sound too school marmy or geezerly and that my advice applies to all types of daters >50.

One of those reviewers reminded me that kindness should be the guiding beacon for all relationships.

First, do no harm (as doctors like to say).

As I thought about ways to rock that first interaction or date, I reflected on those little tells that may turn into giant waving red flags.

No judgement at all. People have vastly different definitions, needs, and tolerance levels.

But here are the major categories of behavior that can make or break a first impression. Feel free to comment with your own!

When you're meeting someone for the first time, be:

1. Honest but Avoid TMI: Candor is critical at all stages of a solid relationship. Your date is (usually) not a therapist. Your childhood traumas or sexual kinks can wait a date or two.

2. Tidy: Check your clothes for stains and rips. If you're driving, consider getting a car wash. If you're Zooming, make your bed.

   

3. Prompt: Even the best date isn't worth waiting an hour for. If you'll be late, offer up a valid explanation. See #1.

4. Upbeat: Most people don't want to go to a whine and cheese fest. I should leave a first date wanting to see you again rather than wanting to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food or join a convent.

5. Generous: Offer to pay. Or, if you can't afford to pay, be honest. See #1.

6. Respectful: Treat your date the way you'd want someone to treat a loved one. You probably wouldn't want someone telling your daughter or sister about his penis on the first date. Act accordingly.

7. In-tune with Body Language & Behavior: If someone pulls away when you get close, respect that. See #5. If your date is totally tuned-out, you can simply ask if they aren't feeling a connection. They might appreciate the early exit.

8. Fashionable: That's a relative term. But some people >50 may want to present themselves as youthful but they dress like Grampy or Grammy from another era. Consider a wardrobe, hair, or specs update. (I offer personal brand makeovers as part of my services. Contact me if you need a shopping or styling sherpa.)

   

9. Quiet (Sometimes): Active listening is a good thing!

10. Honest (at end): If the date sucked for whatever reason, be 100% up-front (but kind). No one loves a ghost. If something your date said or did gave you pause, ask about it.

If you're burned out on dating and can't even fake good behavior, take a break. You should always aspire to show up as your best AND true self.

AND remember, ABK! (Always Be Kind)