Tiny Red Flags
How to Present Yourself Live or Online: Part 5
Everyone screws up at times.
And newbies to the dating world may simply be clueless.
But trusting souls often ignore the little things they spot early on.
The things that make us say “Hmmmm…” and even ask others for their opinions.
Perhaps they aren't screaming big red flags. But they can be signs and signals of habits, behaviors, and even major dysfunctions.
They are extremely important pieces of anecdotal information that need to be paid some attention to. Do not ignore and do not overreact.
Trust your gut and listen to your inner voice so that you are fully aware and responsible if you choose to ignore any warnings or misgivings.
Always trust others at first, but trust your gut too. REALLY trust it!
Among the little red flags are:
Lateness or not calling at a committed time
Rudeness to servers
Lying about age, height, and/or weight
Lying about marital or relationship status
Complaining too much about exes and/or not taking any responsibility for a relationship's end
Constant negativity, whining, and moaning
Checking phone throughout a date (unless they have a pending family emergency, are awaiting a call from a doctor, or are expecting an alert that they've inherited $1 million)
Obsessions with kids, pets, sports, golf, and anything else you're not equally obsessed with
Multiple exes
Weird living situations
Messy car or home (unless you're messy too)
Leading immediately with sex (unless that's what you're looking for)
Anger
If everything else is perfect but that little voice in your head says, “Watch that spot,” treat the blemish the way you would a discolored mole.
Don't pick at it, but pay close attention. And don't feel afraid or guilty.
This advice is particularly relevant if your sexual desires or impatience in finding a relationship have an outsized influence on your dating behavior.
If you're comfortable, bring up the things that give you pause and see how your suitor responds.
If they get defensive, angry, or dismissive, end the relationship before it really starts.
Especially at our age, old habits may be permanent. Or (gulp!) even get worse.
Reflect on your past relationships. I wager that the seeds (or irregular marks) of some of your long-term issues were there early-on and you were simply blinded by love or lust or you thought they’d get better with time.
When you spot red (or hot pink) flags, wave the white flag of surrender and walk (or even run) away!
What are/were some of YOUR flags?
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