The Worst Date Ever...
Now that I have your attention…
We’ve all certainly been on our share of bizarro and unpleasant dates.
I’ve encountered people who lied about their age, weight, and/or financial status.
The guy who failed to tell me he was just biding time before he went to jail for a felony conviction. The guy who was just released from prison.
The guy who told me he “got wood” every time he spoke to me. Ick!
The guy who turned stalky and then nasty when I (kindly) turned down a second date.
I could go on and on.
But despite the drama, the disappointment, the creepers, the liars, and the clingers, I have concluded one thing…
No such thing as a bad date exists.
Many people may disagree with me. And I’m not saying that unfortunate encounters with the “wrong” people aren’t discouraging. They can be a time, money, and energy suck.
But each date gets you closer to figuring out what you want, what you don’t want, and what your non-negotiables are.
(Insert shameless plug here…if you want my framework for creating your own “Man Musts” or “Woman Musts,” you need a paid subscription. You’ll also get the “Rate Your Date” scorecard.)
But back to the “bad date” thing. Here are my tips for the week:
If you’re dating online, be very clear in your profile what you’re looking for. And don’t lie (as tempting as it may be). Starting a relationship with a fib is not a good look.
Go with your gut. If something doesn’t feel right in that first convo, trust your instinct. If you sense on a first date that you have absolutely nothing in common (or you were misled), gracefully end the meeting. (I’ll be covering ways to do that in my next installment.)
After each date, jot down what you learned — either about yourself or about what you want. (See the note about the Scorecard, above.)
Remain hopeful and positive. Your person is out there, somewhere. Or, if not, you can still have a great time with friends, family, and others.
Take dating breaks when you’re feeling discouraged or burned out. You’ll re-enter with a fresh perspective. (And think about how much stuff you can get done with the hours you’re saving.) You may even lose weight because you’re consuming fewer cocktails and meals out.
Perhaps this is all just cognitive dissonance, but I’d like to believe that the only way to stay positive and learn through the entire dating process is to head into each date with an upbeat and hopeful attitude and to end each one asking yourself, “What did I just learn?”
And even if you learned nothing but just had a great cup of coffee, be grateful for the little things.