The Violent Death of True Intimacy

Texting is NOT Talking

I love to text and Slack and WhatsApp as much as the next guy (or woman).

When I'm in a relationship of any kind (romantic, friendship, family), I willingly share pithy snippets and witty emojis and memes and even pics of my food and mundane activities.

But I've recently noticed a deluge of guys in dating apps who just want to text endlessly. One even implied that I'm a bad flirt because I wouldn't engage in endless faceless one-liners.

“Send a pic!” is a frequent request. And I'm totally fine with that, provided I've had some human connection by phone or video chat prior to that.

“Would you like to chat on the phone one day?” I often ask.

Crickets.

For many people these days, texting is a self-gratfying form of connection. They love the endorphin rush, not unlike that of masturbation.

A male friend of mine has a theory that men who are divorced or widowed after long relationships lack the social skills and confidence to communicate like mature adults. That's quite possible.

Engaging in text “conversations” is an amusing form of validation but doesn't further a true relationship.

Many people are texting multiple others simultaneously and drop one or more when new, fresh meat arrives online. The endless musical chairs game is not fun for me.

And then you have the digital equivalent of the “little black book.” You need a fix of validation so you text someone you suddenly stopped texting months ago.

Perhaps the apps should offer up an “endless texter” badge, the same way they provide a badge for being vaccinated.

And when that “Do you want to speak?” query is ignored, just move on (unless you love the idea of having an eternal pen pal).