The Gentleman Companion

Why Do You Even Want Someone in Your Life?

In my last post in this series, I outlined what I'll cover.

As I was thinking about this first topic (“Why Do You Even Want Someone in Your Life?”), I was reminded of something my 95-year old mother said before she died last year:

“I hope you meet a lovely gentleman companion one day.”

This is the image that statement conjured up:

I thought her wish for me was slightly ironic.

After all, my dad died when she was about my age. She went on a handful of dates and then swore off men, stating that she didn’t want to be “a nurse or a purse.”

But I often think about the meaning of the words “gentleman companion.” I recently asked a newly-single guy friend of mine exactly why he wanted/needed/craved a woman in his life. So, the companion concept is not just a woman thing. New to the dating scene, he really had to stop and think about why he wanted a “companion.”

When we’re younger, we are often looking for someone to build a life with — have adventures and perhaps kids or pets. We often want to “nest” and share a home with someone we love. And, of course, many of us like having regular and interesting sex with someone who isn’t (hopefully) going to give us a disease.

But, after 50, we’ve had a lot of that stuff (and perhaps not the disease).

Some people just want a “replacement part.” I’ve been out with more than one guy who wanted someone to push the cart with in the supermarket.

That terrified me. I like doing my own errands on weekends. Buying toilet paper is something I’m qualified to do solo.

While we’re thinking about WHO we want, we need to think about WHAT we want to do with them once they’re in our lives. And WHY doing those things a “date” is better than doing it alone or with a platonic friend.

“Why a guy?” is a question I often ask myself.

The obvious reasons are sex, romance, and (sometimes) the ability to reach things up on high shelves or fix stuff. I also just like the way some men look and smell. With the right guy, I feel safer when I travel. And because they are often wired differently from me, I learn things that my female friends can’t teach me.

On the flip side, I know lots of people like my mother who would rather live and die alone than be with someone who uses, abuses, bores, clings to, or irritates them.

All too often, people our age rush into dating or relationships without wrapping their heads around the “why.”

• How will a companion enhance your life?

• Do you want to live with or travel with someone? Why?

• Is your decision financially motivated?

• Which of your past relationships have been especially gratifying? What did that person add to your life?

As I told my mother when she talked about this “companion,” I agree with her sentiment but I’m holding out for the right one. And I think that we were both right.

You may need to date lots of people before you can envision your ideal companion, but that’s all part of the process.

You also need to be honest with yourself about what’s missing in your life and whether that MUST come from a lover.

This series may not provide all the answers, but I hope it makes you think about the great questions!

And remember, paid subscribers will get all kinds of useful tools, insights, and guidance throughout the 50+ dating process!