Retired or Just One Step Closer to Death?
Why I Don't Date Most Retired Guys (and When I Make Exceptions)
As a woman who fled corporate life at 48 to start my own business, I am still a believer in reinvention, experimentation, adventures, and flexibility.
I admit that I’m high-energy, wildly curious, and open to new ideas and activities.
But I’ve discovered that many of my contemporaries are simply stuck.
I get it. Many people (including lots of men of my generation) have worked for the same company for many years. They are just relieved to be on their own schedules for the first time in their lives, not wake up to an alarm clock, and have the pressures of corporate politics, commuting, travel, and wearing shoes and socks.
But as a woman who had a full-time job and then my own business while raising two daughters and taking care of an aging mother, I aspire to enjoy a different kind of freedom now — the joy of being responsible just for myself and being healthy and active enough to enjoy it.
I still work, but not as hard or as obsessively as I used to. Staying mentally active and connected to other professionals has kept me from becoming dull and siloed.
I’m not judging others’ choices and lifestyles. But I simply can’t get overly excited about men who:
Live to just golf and/or play pickleball.
Await the arrival of a woman to tell them what to do and where to go.
Refuse to break from their routine or self-limiting beliefs.
Don’t want to travel — anywhere!
I have some guy connections who have taken up exciting new hobbies post-retirement — active investing, ballroom dancing, painting, giving museum tours, cooking, group travel, podcasting, and online classes. Others took “dream jobs” like working at a ski resort, or concert venue, or leading educational tours abroad. Picking up old hobbies and interests can also be admirable and exciting.
The number of people reinventing themselves later in life is on the upswing. About 60% of people are mixing it up as they age. Studies indicate that women are more likely to exhibit “the butterfly effect” than men. Maybe that contributes to our longer life expectancy.
I’ve also discovered regional differences. Although it’s not scientifically proven, men in Arizona appear to be more likely to “unplug and kick back” than their contemporaries on the East Coast or states like California.
Will I ever completely retire? Probably not. I love having extra income to fuel my adventures, and I appreciate the mental stimulation and new relationships it provides.
So, if you happen to be reading this, are retired, and aspire to date someone who isn’t, be sure to talk early on about what your life together might look like.
Lifestyle compatibility is key and defining what “life after work” might be is essential.
P.S. Truth be told, I might change my perspective if I met and fell madly in love with someone who had unlimited funds and wanted to travel the world with me and have adventures. But the likelihood of that is probably about the same as my waking up as a supermodel.