"Plain Yogurt"

The Golden Bachelorette Comes to an End (Thankfully)

Among the things I’m grateful for this season is the fact that the Golden Bachelorette is over for the year.

I probably lost a few brain cells throughout the viewing process. Although I’m happy that mass media is now showing that people over 50 are capable of love, adventure, and random sports activities, I was generally underwhelmed by the show.

My daughters and I used to use the term “plain yogurt” to refer to things and people that were somewhat bland. Nothing was wrong with them, but like plain yogurt, they needed a little “oomph” to make them more appealing.

Joan and Chock are the plain yogurt of couples. Wholesome and white. No real humor, zest, or intellectual firepower. But I’m sure they’ll get some amazing vacations and endorsement deals, and we’ll see them all over the media until the next round of reality TV “personalities” takes the screen.

I’ve noticed that the Golden franchise seems to have a soft spot for widows and widowers. Those of us who are divorced are not lepers. Crying and looking to the heavens make for better TV drama.

That said, I still hope to get cast in a future season so I can run around the mansion in non-traditional evening attire, being silly and unfiltered. I also want to get all kinds of product endorsement deals so I never have to pay for travel or household products again. (I view that as a sound alternative retirement strategy, even though I would have to risk being critiqued on Thursday morning by other writers like me.)

So, I’m wishing the newly engaged couple lots of happiness and love, hoping that Guy or Pascal slip into my DMs, and getting back to writing about dating for the rest of us!