I Wasn't Invited. But I Forced Myself to Watch Anyway

Yup...the Golden Bachelor is no longer single.

I hope they have a long and wonderful life together.

But those are two ridiculous hours of my life I’ll never get back.

I watched “The Golden Wedding” this week. But I had recorded it, so I didn’t have to spend a full 120 minutes feeling my brain cells die.

Not wanting to be the bitter spinster, I’ll focus on some of the positive things that came out of this reality TV spectacle.

• Many people say that the show gave them hope that true love >60 is still a possibility. That’s nice.

• People who are planning their nuptials may have gotten an idea or two about flower arrangements and wedding bands.

• If you had laundry to fold or 2023 receipts to organize, the show was good mindless background noise.

But now for my not-so-positive observations:

• The show reinforced stereotypes — the Jewish women who sang Hava Nagilah in the pool and the women of color who we kinda knew wouldn’t make it to the finale. Not to mention the cracks throughout the show about deafness, social media ignorance, and late-night peeing. And Gerry picked the woman who hung on his every word and didn’t appear to have a spine.

• Ugh. Strippers at the bachelorette party and zoom-in shots of the women handling younger guys’ abs. Objectifying people of any age is just not my jam. If Gerry were pawing a stripper I’d be equally grossed out.

• As I’ve mentioned before, the women contestants were mostly scary-skinny and seriously Botoxed, nipped, and tucked. I’d love to see more realistic portrayals of women of a certain age. At least I saw some of the younger women of Bachelor Nation eating meatballs at the reception. Ironically, Gerry’s daughters all seem to be representative of “average people.”

All that said, I would still appear on the show if I were picked. Some of my friends think I’d be funny and as real as reality TV allows.

I think the experience of becoming a “character” (and the social media clout that follows) would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

But now back to real real life. If I were to ever remarry, I would NOT wear a Barbie-esque gown like Theresa or hang on a guy’s arm non-stop like a barnacle (although Physical Touch is tied for my #1 love language). I would prefer that 10 of my betrothed’s ex-girlfriends not be invited.

And, most likely, the ceremony would not be televised (unless ABC wanted to pay for it and send us to Fiji afterward).

Now back to my “regular programming!”