Do Single People Start to "Grow Mold?"
Why Dating >50 Becomes Difficult
I recently interviewed an author who is an expert on “mensches.” She talked on my podcast about the importance of “mensching yourself” before you can attract a good guy or good woman.
It got me thinking about how I’ve evolved over the past three years I’ve been truly single. (I’ve been separated for 10 years but was in a bumpy 4-year relationship during that time — with someone who was less than a mensch some of the time.)
As we get older, we often develop habits and preferences that make forming long-term relationships with other people more challenging. For example:
I love my work and don’t know that I could ever give it all up.
I also love to travel and find myself rejecting the “couch men” or guys who got their travel out of their system when they were working. Of course, I could travel solo or with girlfriends, but that’s not as much fun as romantic getaways.
As much as I want a relationship, I need my solo time and girlfriend time, and know I wouldn’t do well with someone who was very dependent on me 24/7.
I’m not eager to support someone financially.
And, of course, factor in the physical and mental attraction “stuff.”
Although I’m willing to compromise on certain things, I realize that looking for love >50 is different from when I was in my 20s.
When we’re starting out in our coupling-up adventures, we’re often looking for someone with whom we can start a family, buy a house, or share career-building decisions.
As we age, what we’re looking for may be vastly different.
We need to be realistic about our goals and be willing to die solo if we’re not willing to compromise or expand our searches.
We also should ask ourselves, “Would I want to date me?” Have you developed habits, quirks, mandatories, or rules that make you less attractive to others?
My male friends have told me that I’m not quite moldy yet. I trust they’re not lying.
But I will continue to check in every couple of months to make sure my good qualities outnumber my spores.