Dead Fish...Fish Lips...Something Fishy
How to Present Yourself Live or Online: Part 2
First impressions take 7 seconds and are lasting.
Obviously, if you’re meeting someone out and about in the real world, they can see you from head to toe in three dimensions.
You can still mess things up by saying or doing creepy things (more about that later), exhibiting bad manners, or drinking too much and getting sloppy.
But…
The real challenge today is presenting yourself digitally, in a way that’s both authentic and attractive.
This Top 10 List is based purely on my own experiences and preferences. I welcome any peeves and additions you (my readers and subscribers) have.
Dress for success. Make sure what you’re wearing in your profile pix is reflective of your style. If you haven’t updated your wardrobe since the 1970s,
perhaps now is the time to engage a personal shopper. Even little touches like modern glasses (like the vast assortment you’ll find at Warby Parker or eyebobs) can add flair. I recently went shopping with a guy friend at Bonobos to buy some contemporary duds. Enlist the help of friends with taste for your online dating makeover and find someone with a good eye to take some candid shots.
Speaking of friends…most of us have them. You don’t need to show them all in your photo, especially when we have to guess which one is you.
Leave your family at home. I know that flaunting your kids or your aging parents shows that you’re a loving and caring person but I’m not dating your 90-year-old grandma, so I don’t need to see her on day zero.
Pets and wild game (dogs, cats, turtles, fish, tigers) have a place in the world,
but I would rather not see Rover tongue-kissing my prospective date. And don’t get me started about the dead fish thing. (See the previous post for a link.)
Unmask! I’m happy you’re health-conscious, but I’d like to see the lower half of your face. And please make off those sunglasses, even if they’re stylish. One or two outdoorsy shots with fashionable shades are fine. But otherwise, why are you hiding?
Smile. Who wants to date a grumpus? Except maybe a fellow grumpus. And
ladies…the fish lips and duck lips may be sending a subliminal message, according to this fellow (male) dating blogger.
Too sexy for your pix? Unless you are just looking mainly for a hook-up, watch those provocative (e.g., cleavage or jeans bulge) shots. A little sex appeal is fine, but your profile shouldn’t scream “Let’s get naked on the first date!”
Include at least one full-body shot. I get it. Sometimes, especially as middle-aged daters, we’re self-conscious about our guts, bat wings, or jiggly parts. But better to be honest online than to see someone’s look of shock (or even horror) when they discover you weigh 100 pounds more than they thought. And if you lie about your height, your date is bound to notice at the first live meeting.
Be brief and compelling in your profile. At a loss for words? Enlist the help of a friend (preferably someone who knows you well and is of the opposite sex) to help you edit. Again, you’re shooting for authenticity and a little bit of enthusiasm and intrigue. Keep it positive. No one wants to read about your trust issues or strident non-negotiables. You’ll have time to share during your first convo — if it gets that far.
Spell-check and pay attention to details! You’re and your are different words, as are too and to. I’m not just being an English major schoolmarm here. Studies show that illiteracy makes you less attractive. I’ve also seen men’s photos in which they are still wearing a wedding band (hmmmm…). Remember, you just have 7 seconds (at most) before that swipe. Use them wisely, honestly, and well.
I could go on and on. I had to resist the temptation to post actual dating profiles, along with my critiques.
But, as in profiles, brevity is not always a bad thing. And one of my policies is to never publicly shame my fellow >50 daters.
So, I’ll just leave this out here and encourage you to add your own words of wisdom about what draws YOU to specific profiles and people in the real world.
Remember, if you sign-up for a paid subscription, you’ll get all kinds of secret goodies in the months ahead, including a one-on-one coaching session and profile evaluation with me.
It’s a relationship worth investing in!
