Buh Bye!

4 ways to make a graceful and speedy exit

Although I’ve yet to delve into the entire dating “process,” a skill that we all need to practice and perfect at any age is now to pull the plug (metaphorically), without being rude and hurtful.

Rejection is tough at any age.

But, at 50+ it can be especially painful, especially when we’re out of practice and/or have lost a loved one due to divorce or death.

But it’s still much better than being ghosted. Ghosting another person is simply cowardly and rude.

Benching (which has been called the new ghosting) is also a less-than-honest and disrespectful behavior.

Any stage of the relationship can be the right time to end it, whether it’s the first phone call, the third date, after a long weekend away (more about this later), or after months or years.

But this post will deal just with “early-stage exits.”

• Perhaps you can tell from the first phone conversation that someone isn’t right for you.

• No chemistry exists at that coffee or cocktail date or conversation is strained.

• You find something out along the way that gives you pause. It doesn’t have to be a criminal conviction or a blatant lie about age, height, weight, or marital status. It can just be a disconnect on core values or passions that you just know would become a long-term issue.

In any situation, just follow these three simple rules:

1. Be bold. Man-up or be a grown-ass woman and communicate your feelings.

2. Be kind and compassionate. Here are some great ways to let someone down easily via text after a first date.

   

3. Be quick and definitive. A couple of times I’ve had someone “make a case” for why I was wrong in my decision or (worse yet) get verbally abusive. Block them and move on. If you’re out on a date and you know it’s not working, don’t just go to the bathroom and sneak out a side door. But the dating pundits say that leaving a date after 20 minutes is socially acceptable. Here are some ways to do it politely.

4. Be honest. If you’re just not sure if someone is right for you and you need more time to figure that out (while continuing to date other people), be direct. You may find that your date is in exactly the same place in their life. Finding your person is not a race…it sometimes takes time and thought.

If you’re uncomfortable delivering the message, practice with a friend. Texting or e-mail is, of course, way easier than phone or in-person. Any communication is better than no communication.

Above all, don’t just vanish.

Some relationships that weren’t meant to be romantic can still become long-lasting friendships.

And some are just short life lessons.

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Anything you’d like me to write about next? I’d love to hear from you! And remember to consider a paid subscription if you’d like some of my dating tools and (future) workshops!