10 Ways to Swim Away From a Catfish
Don't flounder. Catch and release!
First, I’ve been asked a few times by people >50 what a “catfish” is.
It’s a person (sometimes with an assist from AI) who fakes their identity.
Catfish abound on the dating apps. They often use stock art as their profile photos. They text in language that doesn’t seem like it’s human. They ask personal questions early on in the conversation.
Their motives vary — from money scams to a weird form of entertainment. I recently read a book called “There is No Ethan” about three intelligent professional women who were all sucked into the fetid catfish pool by “someone” who didn’t exist.
Early in my dating life, I was catfished (yes…it’s now a verb, too) by a guy (or at least I thought he was) who expressed an interest in my business. They volunteered to re-do my marketing proposal template. They did a fantastic job. And then they vanished! I searched LinkedIn, Google, and social media to find them, but they didn’t exist. Weird, right? So, sometimes, catfish can end up as unpaid consultants, which was pretty cool. But extremely rare!
I am hyper-aware of the amount of fraud on dating apps and often get asked how to identify catfish yourself and avoid disappointment, financial impact, and other woes.
Many catfish say they are widowers. I’m not sure why. They also seem to favor “gemologist,” “architect,” or “geologist” as their profession. Or, they will be wearing scrubs in their pix, claiming to be involved in medicine or an overseas health job. Ask specific questions about what they do and why they chose that profession. Sadly, these ploys may mean that people who have lost a spouse or do work in those industries may be perceived as suspect right off the bat.
Ask questions about your local area (if you’re in the same geography). For example, “What’s your favorite restaurant?” or “Where do you play tennis?” are non-invasive ones. If someone takes a really long time to answer, they may be researching your ‘hood on Google.
After you’ve been texting for a bit, ask for the person’s last name. If they refuse to give it to you, proceed with caution.
Once you have the name, Google them. It’s not creepy. It’s prudent. One of my friends once found a long history of arrests for DV (domestic violence) via a search. You can also do a reverse phone number search.
If someone wants to talk on WhatsApp, ask them for their phone number instead.
Look carefully at profile pics. If they are overly attractive and look like models, they may be. Save the photo and put it into Google image search, and you’ll see where else that picture may have appeared on the web. (I recently searched for someone who told me he was a cardiologist in Arizona, but he turned out to be a scammer from Turkey. His social media was filled with pix of him with a woman who looked like she might have been a wife or girlfriend!)
I have friends who have invested in subscriptions to background check websites. My “spidey sense” is pretty good, so I haven’t needed to do that, but newbies should seriously consider it.
A common catfish trick is quickly taking one’s profile down after contact.
Unmatch and block any suspicious profiles and report them to the app company. You’ll be saving others from the nasty fish.
Above all, don’t blame yourself if you fall for a catfish scam. Don’t send $$ or divulge too much personal information or send pix. As many as 30% of online daters have encountered a catfish!
For more facts about online dating, check out this video!